Amazing Grace

I spent my 65th birthday in a hospital. Testing, testing, testing. I have not been feeling better. My shortness of breath has gotten so bad, so rapidly, I can't walk ten steps without having to stop and catch my breath. My right lung is partially collapsed. I'm on oxygen now. The tentative word was lung cancer. More tests were needed for the particulars. I can't breathe which means I can't work and had to call all my clients to let them know I would not be back this year.

The daffodils have had an amazing, way early, full bloom this spring. It has been nice to see it happen. A cold front with a dash of snow came through and the lows the next two days will be in the lower 20's. We shall see what is left when the cold is done with a spring that came too soon.

The new pulmonologist doctor from the start of my appointment today was not in the least bit willing to declare lung cancer from the previous test results she had seen. It could be something else. Really? There is hope. Happy Birthday to me. Testing, testing testing.

Tomorrow they are going to drain all the fluid off my right lung. Hopefully it will re-inflate. Friday they are going to stick a tube down my throat into my lungs to collect a bunch of samples. This is what I wanted. Action. Now. To find out what is going on to steal my breath away. Cancer has not been ruled out, but it is no longer the only option. 

The doctor and hospital staff were wonderful today, speeding things through a backed-up system for a patient clearly in distress. My family, friends and clients have all rallied around me to let me know I am loved and appreciated even with my faults. That is such an amazing gift. I have lived a charmed and blessed life in so very many ways. I have so much to be grateful for.

The Trout Lilies will open in the sunshine. Let me be the boy who cried cancer. I have gardens to tend. I can handle the embarrassment of a false alarm in exchange for the love and caring I have seen. Testing, testing, testing.