Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dancing At The Gates Of Sanity

Late Monday afternoon I looked to find the gas tank one click away from empty. More snow and cold was eminent. Not again! I called for delivery and was fussed at for not calling sooner. They like to give themselves a week to ten days to schedule a delivery. If I ran out I would need to be there because they would have to check the lines.

The thermostat was lowered. No hot water was used. No food was cooked on the stove. I needed to make that last tiny bit of gas last. The temperature inside slowly declined. I waited all day and no gas truck came. The temperature inside kept declining.

The snow arrived in the night. After another call in the morning, the gas truck came to replenish the tank. By sheer luck the tank had not emptied completely. And by luck the truck arrived before it really started to snow in earnest. A full tank of propane gas is not cheap.

Taking care of me has not been free. All things considered it could be viewed as low cost, but it isn't no cost. My tragic underemployment and being dependent for shelter weighs on me. That must end soon and I fear the coming change. Will my tragic underemployment end as well?

I have to admit to symptoms of SAD. I have been oddly exhausted and a bit melancholy. Being alone on the top of a frozen mountain with minimal real life human contact can't be good for me either.

All I know to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to keep moving forward. While the snow whipped outside, the myriad connections for the dishwasher were put in place. A stub wall between the refrigerator and dish washer was fastened to the tile floor and the back wall. This will give more support for the counter top.

I need to count my blessings. It will help chase the fear away. I need to count the days until I can drive down the mountain and begin to do paying kind work again. And I need to have faith that enough work will find me. It always has. Change is coming and it will do me good.


Lola said...

Oh my, I'm so glad you got the gas. It is no fun to be sitting in a home with no heat. Been there, done that in N.C. Luckily my good neighbors took me in for the night.
Come Spring all things will change for the better & you will be so busy you won't know which way to go.
Physically you may be alone but not in thought & spirit.
Love the deer shot.
Take care, stay warm.

Siria said...

Hi Christopher! I can't imagine what it must be like up there in the winter, especially a winter like the one your are currently experiencing. Lola's right...we are there with you in thought and spirit! The cozy cabin is on the last stretch. You'll be getting the final inspections before you know it. And yes...good things are coming your way this Spring! :)

Randy Emmitt said...

remember the big snow we had maybe 10 years ago? My gas tank was nearly empty and the driveway was not passable for a week. I had a wood stove and got by just the same until about a week after I called they filled the tank.

I too had very little human contact then.

Chris F said...

I've been there too, Christopher. Being stuck by bad weather can magnify every other anxiety.

I always enjoy reading your blog, and want to thank you for sharing it.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Hang in there Christopher. The gloomies have been trying to overtake me too. I didn't think about SAD being part of it but maybe it is. Too bad you don't have someone you could invite over for a hot cup of tea and a chat. Spring will soon be here along with some overemployment. Big ((Hugs)).

Lola said...

Oops, seems my "deer" are in fact Moose. lol
Just a thought, you really have white flowers that are ground covers.
Not snow. But we could build a snowman. Oh boy.

Christopher C. NC said...

Lola it got down to 59 inside. I am sure glad for the internet and my readers. It could be worse.

Siria I am looking forward to spring and getting back to work work.

Randy I was trying to avoid fetching fire wood. The one fire I lit only showed me the fireplace needed the ash cleaned out. Some folks around here are liking my helping hand services.

Hi Chris. Thanks for saying hi and the kind words. I think January must be the longest and slowest month of the year.

Lisa I chatted up the gas truck driver and I am not normally chatty. Found out that a hunter will shoot what a hound has treed no matter whose land it's on because they want the dogs to know they did right.

Yep those are moose Lola. They belonged to my grandfather.

Les said...

At least you can turn to your virtual friends in time of SAD. I have been distracting myself with watching season 1 of The Tudors and other trash TV. Today it should near 50 and be sunny, so work in the garden will help eliviate my symptoms.